Ratburger by David Walliams

Author:David Walliams [Walliams, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
ISBN: 9780007488674
Publisher: Harper Collins Ome
Published: 2012-09-18T23:00:00+00:00

Burt sniffed the air, then wheezed. “Baby ones smell especially sweet…” He licked his lips, and Zoe shuddered.

“There’s no rat here,” said Zoe.

“Hand it over,” said Burt. “Then I give it a quick whack with this special high-tech rodent stunner.” He produced a bloody mallet from his back pocket. “It’s painless really, they don’t feel a thing. Then he can join his friends for a nice play in here.” Burt indicated the cage, by kicking it hard with the heel of his dirty boot.

Zoe was horrified, but composed herself before she spoke. “You are quite wrong, I am afraid. There is no rat here. If it comes back we will of course call you immediately. Thank you.”

“Hand it over. Now,” wheezed the sinister man.

Meanwhile, Sheila was studying the step-daughter she loathed intently, and noticed the awkward positioning of her left hand.

“Ya vile creature!” accused the woman, as she yanked her stepdaughter’s hand away. “It’s in her blazer.”

“Madam, you hold her down,” directed Burt. “I can whack the rat through the cloth. There will be less blood on the carpet that way.”

“Nooooooooooooooo!” screamed Zoe. She tried to wrestle her arm away from her stepmother, but the woman was a lot bigger and stronger than her stepdaughter. The little girl lost her balance and crashed to the floor. Armitage wriggled out of her pocket and started scurrying across the carpet.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!” screamed her stepmother. “Get it away from me!”

“Trust me, he won’t feel a thing,” wheezed Burt, as he got down on his hands and knees, brandishing the bloody mallet. His nose twitched as he chased the rat around the room, whacking the implement on to the floor, missing Armitage by millimetres.

“Stop!” screamed Zoe. “You’ll kill him!”

She tried to make a charge at the man, but her stepmother held her back by her arms.

“Come here, you little beauty!” whispered Burt, as he brought the mallet crashing down repeatedly on to the dusty carpet, plumes of ingrained dirt now exploding into the air with every thwack.

Armitage scurried this way and that, trying desperately to avoid being whacked. The mallet walloped down, just catching his tail.

“Eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!” squealed the rat in pain, and he dashed off to hide under Zoe’s bed. This did not deter Burt, who, without taking off his dark glasses, got down on to his belly and slithered under the bed like a snake, flailing his mallet wildly from side to side.

Zoe writhed out of her stepmother’s grasp and launched herself on to the man’s back as soon as he appeared from under the bed. The little girl had never hit anyone before, and now she had leaped astride his back like a cowboy on a bull at an American rodeo, thumping his shoulders with all her might.

Within seconds her stepmother yanked her off by her hair and pinned her against the wall, before Burt disappeared under the bed again.

“Zoe, no! You’re an animal. Ya ’ear me? An animal!” screamed the woman. Zoe had never seen her stepmother so uncontrollably angry.

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